Said the rapper, "In spite of my riches,"

Said the rapper, "In spite of my riches,
"I'm still having trouble with bitches.
"At night they look fine
"When I'm loaded on wine
"But every morning, I wake up with witches."

The citizens of good Baltimore

The citizens of good Baltimore
Have Edgar Allen Poe to adore.
The Rue Morgue. The Raven.
The Tell Tale Heart is my faverin.
Forget that great author? Nevermore.

Go Ravens. Beat the Steelers.

A young college girl up in Devner

A young college girl up in Denver
Went out on a weekend-long bender.
She woke naked and drunk
On a mechanical bronc
Oh! She did not know how long she'd been there.

Hail to NFL Week 4

I'm a big margarita," said Kim

I'm a big marfarita," said Kim
As she poured tequila into her ____.
She squeezed fresh lime juice
All over her _____,
And even put salt on the rim.

From a hard day or work, our Pa

From a hard day of work, our Pa
Came home very horny for Ma.
But she had the curse
And what's even worse,
She had hemorrhoids and lockjaw.

While walking one night by the sea

While walking one night by the sea,
Margaret needed to pee.
She squatted there on the beach
Sadly within reach
Of a lobster and her children three

This hooker down in San Diego

This hooker down in San Diego
Is so hot. You could call her “enfuego”.
Baut the best part, you see
Is she gives it for free.
Not a charger? Why didn’t you say so?

This woman in Indianapolis

This woman in Indianapolis
Likes to ride through the countryside braless.
To watch her on her colt
Is not much of a jolt
Because the poor girl is ta-ta-less.

Week three for you and me.

Consider our poor buddy Bruce

Consider our poor buddy Bruce
Who wanted to have sex with a moose.
While Bruce was insider her
A bull moose tried to ride her
And gave our old friend quite a goose

There once was a woman named May

There once was a woman named May
Who hitched across the U S A.
To chip in for gas,
She gave up her ___
And got 410 miles per lay.

There once was a guy named Mike B.

There once was a guy named Mike B.
Who was tattooed everywhere you could see.
He said, "They're all women
"Wearing just what God give 'em.
"Now, I'll always have girls around me."

In spite of his short little ____

In spite of his short little ____
Every woman in town dated Wong.
They get satisfaction
From the remarkable action
Of his nine and three-quarter inch tongue.

There omce was a girl from North Umber

There once was a girl from North Umber
Who for sex, preferred a cucumber.
"You don't have to beat it
"When you're done you can eat it,
"And at night it won't disturb your slumber."

A toast to my old buddy Boris

A toast to my old buddy Boris
Who lost house and car through divoris.
One night when he ____,
He shouted out "Jane"
Forgetting his wife's name was Doris.

A giving young girl named Louise

A giving young girl named Louise
Spent most of her time on her knees.
Short, fat or tall
She'd ____ ____ them all.
All you needed to do was say, "Please".

An enterprising young hooker named Kay

An enterprising young hooker named Kay
Was preparing for retirement day.
"I take a buck
"From every ____.
"And put it in a 401-K."

An elderly lady named Dottie

An elderly lady named Dottie
Spent way too much time on the potty.
When she found she was stuck
She could only say "____,
"Now I'll die here alone and forgotty.

This pretty young widow in Dallas

This pretty young widow in Dallas
Feels trapped in her ex's "Cowboy Palace"
For, she misses her home
And her family in Nome
And the beautiful aurora borealis.

Go Eagles!

There once was a woman named Brandie

There once was a woman named Brandie
Whose husband was not very handy.
So she kept in a drawer
Vibrators galore
In case she was still feeling randy.

I know a young girl in Detroit

I know a young girl in Detroit
Who is much to world wise to exploit.
Don't think after dinner
You'll be lyin' there in her.
At dodging your passes, she's adroit.

Week two - Hooray Football!

Margaret Elizabeth Jones

Margaret Elizabeth Jones
Loved music right down to the bones
Motown made her dance
And think of romance
But she only would _____ to the Stones

Mortitian's assistant Yvonne

Mortitian's assistant Yvonne
Was pondering about the beyond.
"If I give h____
"To a man that is dead.
"Will he still ____ if he's gone."

An entrepreneur in Seattle

An entrepreneur in Seattle
Planned to sell ____ in a bottle.
"When I see what this ilk
"Pays for coffee and milk
"I know I'll succeed. Hell, I oughta."

Someone asked Astronaut Grace

Someone asked Astronaut Grace
About enjoying sex in space.
"All you need is a strap
"Or a velcro wrap
"To dock your ___ unto his face."

Pizza deliverer Tony

Pizza deliverer Tony
Said, "I don't really make that much money.
"But if a girl cannot pay
"I ask for a lay
"Or a gobble on my pepperoni."

After delivering 9 children, Mary

After delivering 9 children, Mary
Was told this by her husband, Barry.
"You may not be virginal
"In your canal _______,
"But I'm betting your ___ is a cherry.

In the hills, a horny young Mister

In the hills, a horny young Mister
Spent the afternoon ________ his sister.
His dad came along
And said, "Stop, that is wrong
!"Slow down or you'll give her a blister."

An enterprising cashier named Rose

An enterprising cashier named Rose
Screwed her boss every day after close.
She said, "His little ____
"doesn't quite do the trick.
"But his very large bank account does."

Contortionist Cynthia Jo

Contortionist Cynthia Jo
Had a travelling X-rated show.
Men made long car trips
To watch her lick her lips.
You know, the ones she has ____ _____ _____.

There is this woman who lives in Green Bay

There is this woman who lives in Green Bay
Who likes to make love in a keen way.
She likes to pack ‘er
Air mattress with crackers
‘Cause the crunching makes a much more obscene lay.

Welcome back, Monday Night Football

A transvestite living in Cincinnati

A transvestite living in Cincinnati
Said, “I really not trying to be catty,
“I’ve been guy and been gal,
“I guess I’ve seen it all,
“And the guy-part is always so ratty.”

Salute to NFL week 1

There once was a young girl named Jamie

There once was a young girl named Jamie
Who said, "I need sombody to lay me
"Down in the grass,
"Keep his hands off my ass,
"Rub my feet with sweet oil and then pay me."

There once was a woman named Cheryl

There once was a woman named Cheryl
Who was banned from the group Christmas Carols.
They said, "You are flat."
She said, "Look at that!"
Disrobing to show them both barrels.

Happy Birthday, Cheryl

A dignified gal from St. Ives

A dignified gal from St. Ives
Said she doesn't _____ ruffians from dives.
She'll have an affair
In the penthouse upstairs.
And she never comes. She arrives.

The girls are all hot for the charms

The girls are all hot for the charms
Of the guy with three hands and three arms.
There's one for each ______;
One east and one west
And another one down on their farms.

Restaurant critis Herbert

Restaurant critic Herbert
Wrote a review that was both mean and curt
The chef said, "Eat ____.
Herb replied, "I just did.
"What do you recommend for dessert?"

This fellow who lives in New York

This fellow who lives in New York
Is thought to be a giant dork.
He hands out headsets
On passenger jets.
And claims that it’s challenging work.

Welcome back, National Football League!

Sweet Sue in the maternity ward

Sweet Sue in the maternity ward
Was learning that childbirth was hard.
"If I'd known that a ____
"Could bring such bad luck,
"I'd have closed up my hole with a board."

On the phone, Jenny complained to Grace

On the phone, Jenny complained to Grace,
"Jimmy sent a bouquet to my place,
"Now he'll come over hopin'
"That my legs are wide open."
Said Grace, "Why don't you just buy a vase?"

The frustrated widow, Mae Copp

The frustrated widow Mae Copp
Lost her job at the Olde Candle Shoppe.
Her boss got upset
'Cause the candles were wet
And sticky and gooey on top.

That slimy old _____, Sid Cooker

That slimy old _____, Sid Cooker
Turned his sweet daughter into a hooker.
He sent her to class
On how to peddle her ___
And then, to a street corner he took her.
The next morning, the sweet little kid
Gave 301 dollars to Sid.
He said, "Not badly done,
"But who gave you the one?"
Wide eyed, she said, "Daddy, they all did.

Consider the spermatazoa

Consider the spermatazoa
Who has such a long way to goa,
Up through the urethra
Swimming hard just to reach the
Front porch of the tubes of Falopa.