“I don’t carry a purse," said Marlene,

“I don’t carry a purse," said Marlene,
“It makes me feel free, like a queen.
I tape my IDs
To the side of my knees,
And keep change in the slot inbetween.”

Marie was a frustrated bride

Marie was a frustrated bride
So she called her best friend and she cried,
“He so damned fussy
He won’t lick my _____,
Much less put anything else of his inside.”

When we recall the summer of ‘69

When we recall the summer of ‘69
With Woodstock, drugs and peace signs,
It tends to explain
Why time and again
We meet 40 year old men named Sunshine.

The good grades given Allison Cutty

The good grades given Allison Cutty
Were not surprising to anybody.
By sitting up in the front
And exposing her ____,
She found that she did not need to study.

The tattoo shop is Ellen's big love

The tattoo shop is Ellen’s big love.
She wears ink like most of us wear a glove.
The one you should see
Is the one by her knee
That simply says, “Heaven’s Above”.

The best scientific advancement

The best scientific advancement
Is that pill that promotes male enhancement
To think a placebo
Could jump start libido
Without providing a much larger lancement.

The recession's hit the world of vice

The recession’s hit the world of vice
The Nevada brothels have slashed the price
Of a ____ and a ____
To only one buck.
So all the assets are fully utilized.

When aksed why she's marrying Paul

When asked why she’s marrying Paul
Given that his ____ is so small,
Sue said, “When we do it
I get to sleep through it,
And that extra nap sure is a cure-all.”

I'm back from a bout with the flu

I’m back from a bout with the flu.
The non-porcine variety, thank you.
‘Tween the achin’ and coughin’
I had picked out a coffin,
So, it’s great to be back with all of you.