There once was a woman named Julie

There once was a woman named Julie
Who wouldn’t give it up for yours truly.
I begged and I pleaded
But she never ceded.
Which made me all twitchy and drooly.

As we wave goodbye to dear Conan

As we wave goodbye to dear Conan
Let’s dispense with the weepin’ and moanin’.
His life’s not a wreck
With that fat severance check
Ahd the other network execs who are phonin’.

At the nude beach, our Grandma went “starkers”

At the nude beach, our Grandma went “starkers”
Ignoring all the peepers and gawkers.
Her girlfriends and she
Enjoyed being free
But their ____ do get tangled in their walkers.

There onthe a woman named Beth

There onthe a woman named Beth
Whothe love life wath really a meth
‘Cauthe while getting thexed
The moment is wrecked
When Beth yellth out, “Yeth, Yeth, Yeth.”

Have you heard about our good friend, Kyle?

Have you heard about our good friend, Kyle?
Seems he can’t show his face for a while.
He was seen on the floor
Of a grocery store
In the feminine hygiene products aisle.

Jenny asked, “Can I transmit the flu

Jenny asked, “Can I transmit the flu
When I do what I get paid to do?
What I do for a living
Is the enthusiastic giving
Of an occasional ____ ___ for two.”

There once was a girl named Nicole

There once was a girl named Nicole
Who was born without a heart or a soul.
She was evil and mean
Vulgar and obscene,
With a sweet voice like an oriole.

Happy belated birthday!

As the decade stumbled to a close

As the decade stumbled to a close
A historylesson we must compose.
But, to properly frame it,
We first have to name it.
Was it the “Zeros”, the “Oughts” or the “Ohs”.

There once was a woman named Martie

There once was a woman named Martie
Who passed out at the New Year’s Eve Party
What was the chance
Whe’d wake up without pants,
And with a _____ all stretched out and smarty?