There once was a man from Topeka

There once was a man from Topeka
Whose girlfriend, it seems, was a squeka.
At orgasm, her screams
Became super-sonic beams
That made his house foundation weka.

A New Yorker who moved to Des Moines

A New Yorker who moved to Des Moines
Said he pulled a muscle in his groines.
“To lie is no use,
Yes, it was self-abuse.
It was a tough lesson to loines.”

Said a short man from Indianapolis,

Said a short man from Indianapolis,
“Despite my height, I don’t ask for solis
At 3 feet, I am tiny,
But I don’t get all whiney
Because, of my kin, I am tallis.

There once was a fellow from Springfield

There once was a fellow from Springfield
Who wears a suit he calls a “Sting Shield.”
For when a bee is your pet
You can never forget
To keep yourself (even your thing) sield.

There once was a woman from Boise

There once was a woman from Boise
Who at orgasm became very noise.
With her curses and screams,
The girl of your dreams
Was heard all the way in new Joise.

There was a guy in Honolulu

There was a guy in Honolulu
Who looked just like Lieutenant Sulu
Sporting that washboard
And a samurai sword
But, unlike him; not at all frufru.

There once was a man from Atlanta

There once was a man from Atlanta
Who called himself the X-Rated Santa.
He gave out sex toys
To the bad girls and boys
Who use them to do what they wanta.

There was a cop in Tallahassee

There was a cop in Tallahassee
Whose squad car smelled putrid and gassee.
But it was not smart
To blame the foul fart
On Rasta god Haile Selassee.

There once was a young girl from Dover

There once was a young girl from Dover
Who liked to sunbathe in the clover.
Without any clothes
Until goosed by the nose
Of her inquisitive Rottweiler, Rover.

There once was a fellow from Hartford

There once was a fellow from Hartford
Who during the week kept his farts stord.
‘Til he challenged his friends
To expose their rear ends
To shoot pencils ‘cross the room at a dart bord.

There once was a woman in Denver

There once was a woman in Denver
Who worked as a public defenver.
The lost most of her cases
On a singular basis.
She advised her clients to surrenver.

There was a gal from Sacramento

There was a gal from Sacramento
Who observed the season of Lento.
She gave up eating meat
And anything sweet
Gaining Heaven as a consequento.

There once was a farmer from Little Rock

There once was a farmer from Little Rock,
An investor in peanut brittle stock.
But when nut prices fell,
His holdings went to hell,
And he lost everything but his whittle block.

There once was a fellow in Phoenix

There once was a fellow in Phoenix
Whose famous for artwork that depix
The eternal battle
To amass the most chattel.
It’s boring. We’d give it the deep six.

There once was a fellow from Juneau

There once was a fellow from Juneau
Who was covered with hair from head to teau.
Despite his perseverance,
His brutish appearance
Made it hard to find women to . . . you kneau.

There once was a gal from Montgomery

There once was a gal from Montgomery
Whose wardrobe was pastel and summery
Although cute and petite
She drove with lead feet
In a truck that was bestial and Hummery.

Down in the town of Morales

Down in the town of Morales
Lives a hooker who’s known as Mad Alice.
She makes molds of the _____
Of her numerous tricks,
To construct her own “Phallus Palace”.

9-11 demonstrated

9-11 demonstrated
Americans were underrated.
But bravery of those
Who chose to oppose
Fear and terror cannot be debated.

In memoriam to the passengers and crew of Flight 93.

My sweet middle-aged Aunt Laverne,

My sweet middle-aged Aunt Laverne,
While driving, cannot make a left turn.
She makes her commute
A circuitous route
Which makes her bus passengers burn.

There once was a man from New York

There once was a man from New York
Who for his health, gave up eating pork.
Just chickens and fishes
And other healthy dishes,
‘Til he chocked on the leg of a stork.

There once was a fellow named Wade

There once was a fellow named Wade
Whose daily goal was to get laid.
With his roguish smile,
Blue eyes, and Hollywood style,
His bedroom is like a parade.