A fellow who grew up in Pittsfurgh

A fellow who grew up in Pittsburgh
Now lives with the Grand Duchess of Hapsburg.
He said, “It’s an art.
To steal ‘er cold heart.
It’s like making love to an iceburg.

An East Coaster who moved to Seattle

An East Coaster who moved to Seattle
Said, “My diet is a constant battle.
“Every day is see hawkers
Of hot dogs and tac-ers
I’m afraid that I’ll soon start to waddle.”

NFL Week Nine

There once was a woman named Kat

There once was a woman named Kat
Who wore a most interesting hat
She wove it from hair
That she clipped from down there.
Now what the hell do you think of that?

There once was a fellow named Dracula

There once was a fellow named Dracula –
A vampire, in the vernacula,
Who said, “To live only at night,
I suppose is all right,
But immortality is quite unspectacula.”

Happy Halloween!

Consider the modern camcorder

Consider the modern camcorder.
What was our sex life like before her?
Just Polaroid shots
Of a boob or a crotch,
Now our porno is made to our order.

Since her husband died in 2004

Since her husband died in 2004
Louise can’t go to bingo anymore
She said, “I do fine
‘Til they call ‘O-69’
Then I twitch and fall down on the floor.”

At the nude beach, he showed lots of class

At the nude beach, he showed lots of class
While surrounded by shapely young ___.
While drinking his beer,
He studied each rear,
But all that he raised was his glass.

This bachelor down in Tennessee

This bachelor down in Tennessee
Plies his women with Lynchburg whisky.
He says, “Two shots gets them tight, and
“Two more and they might’en
“Get a little more looser and frisky.”

This woman living in San Francisco

This woman living in San Francisco
Like to keep track of the men that she . . . you know.
Number 14 was great
As was 78
But 49 . . . er . . . he was so-so.

When he saw an old hooker exposin'

When he saw an old hooker exposin'
Her bare ___ on the docks, the young bos'un
Said, "Your _____ is bare,
Do you shave it down there?
Or did it all wear away by erosion?"

Salute to ESPN Radio - Part Four

My car radio does not rock and juke.
That it’s set where it’s set, is no fluke.
For every morning, you see
I’m with Bob Picozzi
And I ride home each night with the Duke.

Salute to ESPN Radio - Part Three

I noticed about Turico and VanPelt,
One sounds husky, while the other sounds svelte.
But I most enjoy a
Word from Miss Tafoya
Whose dulcet tones just make me melt.

Salute to ESPN Radio - Part Two

Sports radio host Colin Cowherd
With callers, always has the last word.
His learned opinion
Has complete dominion
Over everything everyone’s ever heard.

Salute to ESPN Radio

I like Mike and Mike in the Morning.
You should listen, but follow this warning.
Golic only is smart
About the athletic art,
And Greeny’s manliness deserves a scorning.

There was a young girl in Atlanta

There was a young girl in Atlanta
Who’ll say anything that she’ll wanta.
It’s falkin’ this and falkin’ that;
Where the falk is my hat.
For sure, she’s getting nothing from Santa.