There once was a woman named Marletta

There once was a woman named Marletta
One night, and you’ll never forget her.
She looks prim and proper
But if you pull out the stopper,
She’ll rock you all night, if you let her.

There was a hairstylist named Pearl

There was a hairstylist named Pearl
Who wove her _____ in one large curl.
But it ruined romance
When she slipped off her pants
It looked like she was hiding a squirrel.

On St. Patrick’s Day, poor Mary Kaylie

On St. Patrick’s Day, poor Mary Kaylie
Drank 14 or so too many Bailey’s
On the 18th she rose
Without any clothes
And in her _____ was a sheilleigh.

There once was a fellow named Roger

There once was a fellow named Roger
Who thought he was a Brooklyn Dodger.
He showed up every day
Dressed and ready to play
Where the field used to be, poor old codger.

There once was a fellow named Ty

There once was a fellow named Ty
Who said, “I know some day I will die,
But I hope it’s in bed
While I’m getting head,
A super way to say, ‘Good-bye.’”

While making his Act of Contrition

While making his Act of Contrition
Young Timmy made a vital omission.
He didn’t confess
(Self-conscious, I guess)
His numerous nocturnal emissions.

There once was a gal named Aretha

There once was a gal named Aretha
Who thought that oral sex was beneath her.
You better believe it
She loved to receive it.
But she won’t let a ____ ‘tween her teeth, huh”

Let’s hear it for the Green Bay Packers,

Let’s hear it for the Green Bay Packers,
Like burly blacksmiths, like annealers,
Led by Big Aaron
They did it again,
Confirming they’re football’s big wheelers.

Super Bowl XLV
Green Bay Packers – 31
Pittsburg Steelers – 25

There once was a woman named Jackie

There once was a woman named Jackie
Who thought wearing clothes was tres tacky.
She showed off her tits
And the place were she sits
Which her neighbors thought was just whacky

There once was a harpy named Mary

There once was a harpy named Mary
Whose voice was exceeding scary.
Even a low whisper
Would cause paint to blister
And curdle 5 square miles of dairy.

There once was a woman named Monica

There once was a woman named Monica
Who shunned all actions she felt demonica.
No singing, no dancing,
No pre-vow romancing,
And especially, no harmonica.

This fellow I know, Alexander

This fellow I know, Alexander,
Of his wife said, “I don’t understand her.
She don’t like to get hit
Or called a piece of shit
When I just want to repremander her.”

Miss Manners gave out a big “Yes!”

Miss Manners gave out a big “Yes!”
For the State of the Union address.
‘Cause they saved all the brawling
And nasty name-calling,
Til the next day in the national press.

I asked my Dad, “Why do they say

I asked my Dad, “Why do they say
That 12/26 is Boxing Day?”
He took me to the mall
To experience the brawl
Of the return / exchange counter fray.

Merry _______ Christmas!

The Center is closed today, so please enjoy some items from the past.
Be back for Boxing Day.

There once was a reindeer named Dasher
Who consulted a New York haberdasher.
He said, ‘Make me fashionable,
Not normal or rational.
‘Cause I see myself much more panacher.”

There once was a reindeer named Dancer
Who vacationed near the Tropic of Cancer.
She lounged be the pool
Looking sexy and cool
Searching for a buck to romance her.

There once was a reindeer named Prancer
Who wanted to be a break-dander.
The antlers made it rough
So he had them cut off,
Hoping a bald head would be the answer.

There once was a reindeer named Vixen
Whose beauty was very transfixin’
She turned up her nose
At all of her beaux
Whom she led on just to eighty-six ‘em.

There once was a reindeer named Comet
Who asked, “Where’s the island of Guam at?
My stomach’s upset
So I need to get
A balm made of Guam palm to calm it.”

There once was a reindeer named Cupid
Who did something incredibly stupid,
She drank too much grog,
Mulled wine and egg nog,
And got a DUI near Guadelupe

There once was a reindeer named Donder
Who in a past life was a condor.
That might explain why
He soars through the sky,
But the laying of eggs is a wonder.

There once was a reindeer named Blitzen
Who loves New Orleans where she sits in
With a Dixieland band
Playing piano four-hand
While tour groups watch her, kibitzin’

There once was a reindeer named Rudolph
Who is an expert at black-and-blue golf.
In spite of its name
This reindeer game
Is really not quite all that rough.