Today is the last show for Oprah

Today is the last show for Oprah.
How will her millions of fans coprah?
Well, there is O W N,
But, don’t worry my friend,
I hear that she’s running for Poprah.

Melinda, a Colonial lass

Melinda, a Colonial lass
Was a barmaid in olde Boston, Mass.
Slinging whiskey and beer
And swinging her rear
To show that he possessed lots of . . . class.

Annette, an administrative assistant

Annette, an administrative assistant
Told her boss, “I must be insistent.
No more ‘working’ late.
The orgasms are great,
But, I’m afraid they’re not at all consistent.”

Bye to Randy Savage, the “Macho Man”;

Bye to Randy Savage, the “Macho Man”;
The ultimate wrestling showman.
His clothes made me wonder,
But his voice was like thunder,
And his body was built just like Conan.*

Rest in Peace, Randy “Macho Man” Savage.

*The barbarian, not the comedian.

There once was a woman named Mary

There once was a woman named Mary
Who thought Friday, the 13th was too scary.
So she crawled back in bed
With pillows over ther head
Where she died of acute aphyxiliary.

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

Osama Bin Laden is dead.
Killed by a shot to the head.
Are we closer to peace,
Or closure, at least?
I'm shooting for hope over dread.

God bless America!

There once was a fellow named Sizemore

There once was a fellow named Sizemore
Whose small ____ was a bit of an eyesore.
If he had more size,
He might get more sighs,
And get to pry open those thighs more.

There was a fellow named Tim Brick

There was a fellow named Tim Brick
Who sported a unusually slim _____.
The girls that he dated
All went home frustrated.
But, al least, it made a good limerick.

When her parents named their daughter, “Latrina”

When her parents named their daughter, “Latrina”
They couldn’t have been any meaner.
Then sisters, “Toiletta”
And poor “Headrietta”.
These people should get a subpoena.

There once was a fellow named Stats

There once was a fellow named Stats
Who cataloged his coworkers tats
By theme and design
From profane to divine,
Which he weaved into interesting chats.

There once was a fellow named Liam

There once was a fellow named Liam
Who managed a football museum;
Not a cool one, the fool,
It was for Liverpool,
Of which he would lecture, ad nauseam.

There once was a planet called Earth

There once was a planet called Earth
Who’s ecological wonders were dearth.
But if every blog reader
Does something to heed her,
She can regain her beauty and worth.

Celebrate Earth Day -- Do something to save the Earth

There once was a man named Joaquin

There once was a man named Joaquin
Who produced vignettes wholly obscene.
But far from amusing
They were quite confusing,
Meant to be read in the latrine.

The pastor at my local church

The pastor at my local church
Left his congregation in a lurch
When he found the Lord
In a bird in his yard
Which he keeps altar-side on a perch.

There once was a fellow named Lee

There once was a fellow named Lee
Whose ____ hung down below his knee.
I heard him confide
That to get it “inside”
A girl must be as tall as a tree.