There once was a fellow named Thomas

There once was a fellow named Thomas
Who made his dear Mother a promise
To not go with girls
With their lipstick and curls,
But didn’t say anything about llamas.

There once was a gal in the French Quarter

There once was a gal in the French Quarter
Who wanted a nice fellow to court her.
She showed off her tits
Which started a blitz
But non of them could really support her.

There once was a artist named Prince

There once was a artist named Prince
Whose songs made the old people wince.
But they gave him a role
In the big Super Bowl,
And he’s been mainstream ever since.

Everybody’s doing this P90X.

Everybody’s doing this P90X.
They claim that it’s better than sex.
I don’t want to be rude,
But if you are a dude,
I do not want to eyeball your pecs.

There once was a fellow named Jack

There once was a fellow named Jack
Who had the world’s largest nut-sack
The way he was built
Made him wear a kilt
And his last name doesn’t begin with a “Mac”.

There once was a woman named Wanda;

There once was a woman named Wanda;
Of enormous _____ she was fonda.
For goodness sake,
She once ______ a snake!
Of course, it was an anaconda.

I typed “nude celebrities” on Google

I typed “nude celebrities” on Google
Expecting a boob and butt gaggle.
But I got sent right
To this limerick site,
So I got no jiggle, just a giggle.

His girlfriend once asked Billy Corgan

His girlfriend once asked Billy Corgan*,
Which was his favorite organ.
He felt the Hammond B-3
Had the best nusicality,
But she meant hers of her sister, Morgan’s

*Leader of the Smashing Pumpkins**

**A great rock band of the Nineties

There once was a woman named Holly

There once was a woman named Holly
Who looked just like Salavadore Dali
Had designed her clothes,
From her hat to her hose,
About which her friends could only say, “Golly!”

There once was a fellow named Brewer

There once was a fellow named Brewer
Who maintains a Beverly Hills sewer.
He’s found folks will pay
For what celebs flush away.
He’s a waste-matter entrepreneur.

There once was a woman named Olga,

There once was a woman named Olga,
Whose talk was exceeding vulga.
“____ my ass,” she might say,
“Lick my _____ all day.”
Which is odd since she’s a non-indulga.

There once was a gal named Celesta

There once was a gal named Celesta
Who went to the club with a Winchester.
She went inside armed
Not to prevent being harmed
But to help find someone to molest her.

When faced with a ‘quake or tsunami

When faced with a ‘quake or tsunami
I would just curl up and cry, “Mommy”.
Thank God the Red Cross,
The Anti-Disaster Boss,
Rushes in without getting all qualmy.

Support disaster relief at www.redcross.org

There once was a woman from Boston

There once was a woman from Boston
With a _____ a man could get lost in.
She could handle me,
My step-brother, Lee,
With a Red Sox baseball bat also tossed in.

I’m looking for something eye-opening

I’m looking for something eye-opening
Something to fufill my hopening.
Some kind of food
To get her in the mood
And provide for me a thigh opening.