Lose-A-Letter Limerick - George

 There once was a fellow named George

Who lived in a shack by a gorge

          He lived off the grid

          Like his ancestors did

Which made him a pal of Al Gore 

There once was a farm boy named Snyder

There once was a farm boy named Snyder

Who worked for his Aunt pressing cider.

          Until one day, the fool,

          Smashed his personal tool,

Daydreaming about being insider her.

I beg you! Bring back the Road Runner!

I beg you!  Bring back the Road Runner!

There is no cartoon that is funner!

          With old Wile I. Coyote.

          (Was he high on peyote?)

Make it an eternal rerunner!

There once was a fellow named Stryker

There once was a fellow named Stryker

Who slept with the wife of a biker.

          He was caught at the scene

          And never again seen,

‘Cept his balls, which were found by a hiker.

There once was a girl on the bayou

There once was a girl on the bayou

Who liked nothing more than to screw.

          She kept a vibrator

          Shaped just like a ‘gator,

Just in case there was no one to do.

There once was a woman named Steagles

There once was a woman named Steagles

Who every day did 65 kegels*

          And while focused down there

          She styled her pubic hair

In the manner of “A Flock of Seagulls**.

 

*Exercises designed to tighten the vaginal muscles.  Google it.

**A 80s British rock band.  Google it.

There once was a girl named Michelle

There once was a girl named Michelle

Whose abdomen started to swell.

          “I am not with child,”

          She said as she smiled,

“It’s that I live by Taco Bell.”

There once was a woman named Freddie

There once was a woman named Freddie

Who always made sure she was ready.

          In her purse she had blush,

Birth control and toothbrush;

With an elegant, wrinkle-proof teddy.

There once was a gal named Selena

There once was a gal named Selena;

A not-very-hot-blooded Latina.

          It was early to bed,

          All alone where she read

“Genetic Traits of Semolina”.

There was a woman named Regina,

There was a woman named Regina,

A virtuoso on the concertina

          Her fingering skill

          Came not from a drill,

But from manipulating her ______.

There once was a fellow named Justin

There once was a fellow named Justin

With spontaneous penile combustion.

          He received a synthetic

          Cast iron prosthetic

Which he oiled daily to prevent rustin’.

There once was a woman named Geri

There once was a woman named Geri

Whose body was nearly un-hairy.

          Her baldness was complete

          ‘Cept the soles of her feet,

Which made shopping for shoes very scary.

There once was a young boy named Elton

There once was a young boy named Elton

Who was skinny and tall like a skel’ton.

          To hold up his pants

          While at a school dance,

He had suspenders and a belt on.

There was a young girl named Rosanna

There was a young girl named Rosanna

Who wore a bright yellow bandana,

          A yellow T-shirt

          And ankle-length skirt,

‘Cause she thought that she was a banana.

There once was a fellow named Bucky

There once was a fellow named Bucky

Who lived a life extremely lucky.

          Since his sexual organ

          Dispensed Captain Morgan

And aged bourbon from Kentucky.