There is a young woman named Karen

There is a young woman named Karen
At whom the boys are constantly starin'.
Is it her beauty?
Her above average booty?
Whatever it is, they're not sharin'.

Happy birthday, Karen

There is a young woman in Boulder

There is a young woman in Boulder
Whose ___ is no big, you unfold ‘er
To satisfy Carmen
You must put your arm in.
Yep. All the way up to your shoulder.

A working girl in Tampa Bay

A working girl in Tampa Bay
Charges $100 per lay
If that price makes you balk
And you just want to talk,
Just one buck an ear’s what you pay.

Got football?

At the park, there's a young girl named Penny

At the park, there’s a young girl named Penny
On the swing set with her best friend, Jenny.
Said Jen, “Those boys there
Can see your underwear.”
Said Pen, “Ho, Ho. I’m not wearing any.”

Said a mom to her girl in Philadelphia

Said a mom to her girl in Philadelphia,
“Don’t put your love on a shelf, Mia,
Soar like an eagle,
Be proud and regal.
Not a whore like your sister, Cordellia."

A holiday tradition like no other.

Football!

There once was a gal named Alana

There once was a gal named Alana
Who was not known to be a complainer.
Except about work,
Tattoo-hating jerks,
And rock-critic-Godsmack-profaners.

Happy birthday, Anana

Rock Chick Number One!

There once was a young girl named Rose

There once was a young girl named Rose
Who claimed to have no sexual throes.
As she walked down the street
She seemed proper and sweet
But she was naked underneath her clothes.

A philospher from outside of Cannes

A philosopher from outside of Cannes
Once pondered the purpose of man
And of women, too.
Are they just here to screw?
I ____’em, therefore I am.

My brother down there in Jacksonville

My brother down there in Jacksonville
Likes to drive his girlfriend up this one hill
In his bright red Jaguar
Though it’s not a boudoir
She will still go down all the way up hill.

Michigan at Ohio State - 2008

Of all the women down at Ohio State
There are none that I would make a bed mate.
The ones that I know
Don’t take care down below,
And let their panties just disintegrate.

Most of the women at Michigan
Have too many itches in their britches, man.
To get their pants off
Makes me want to cough
And just makes me hungry for fish again.

A libidinous woman from Houston

A matronly gal from Toledo
Unfortunately lost her libido.
She would yawn during sex,
Scratch her stomach and stretch,
And say, “Wake me up when you’re completo.”

Anna Maria Moretti

Anna Maria Moretti
Sliced up her cheating man, Eddie.
When he was dead
She pickled his head
And ground up the rest for spaghetti.

There was a dogwalker named Fay

There was a dogwalker named Fay
Who was having a terrible day.
“It just drives me nuts
To stare at dog’s butts
And pick up their droppings all day.”

There's a story of my good friend Liz

There’s a story of my good friend Liz
Who don’t know where anything is.
She puts in her mouth
Things that belong in the south
Ignoring the place where she ___.

My old friend Bill loves Buffalo

My old friend Bill loves Buffalo
Where it often gets 20 below.
He keeps his hands warm enough
In his wife’s fur-lined muff.
Though, her ___ does get cold, don’t you know?

A libidinous woman from Houston

A libidinous woman from Houston
Said, “I’m gonna tell you the truth, son.
You can’t beat the sexin’
You get from a Texan,
Even though they all leave them ol’ boots on.”

Football: Proof that God loves us.

On the seashore, a sweet Georgia peach

On the seashore, a sweet Georgia peach
Was arrested for public indec. . .
“I was dressed up just fine
Until I saw your sign
That said, ‘No thongs on the beach.’”

Professional porn actress Daisy

Professional porn actress Daisy
Gave this speech at Career Day, “See,
I give him a ____.
He gives me a ____.
Then he pulls his ____ out and he sprays me.”

Star Trek was my favorite show

Star Trek was my favorite show.
I would watch it wherever I’d go.
Then I heard George Takei
Was actually gay,
I’m sorry, it’s just too low a blow.

As she walked on the nude beach, our Marge

As she walked on the nude beach, our Marge
Met a man who thought he was in charge.
She said, “Hold it, Mister.
First I must get a picture,
So that I can have it enlarged.”

A charming young bachelor from Dallas

A charming young bachelor from Dallas
Was confronted by gun-toting Alice.
“I’ve checked out my trap
And you’ve gave me the clap,
So from now on you’re going to be ball-less.”

A guy I know in Arizona
Will mever have sex with a moana.
You can scream, you can shout,
You can throw things about,
But, don't break the cardinal rule. No balogna!

The crazy little women of Kansas City

The crazy little women of Kansas City
Are chief among gals who are pretty.
I’m gonna go there
And get me one quite fair.
If I don’t, it’ll be such a pity.

There once was a girl named Marie

There once was a girl named Marie
Who shampooed her hair with her pee.
"I want curly hair
Like the ones that grow there,
But, the smell makes cats follow me."

There was a young fellow named Bart

There was a young fellow named Bart
Who mastered the bombastic fart.
It's said that one blast
Knocks a man on his ass.
Says Bart, "It's a finely honed art."

Annabeth Margaret Fieson

Annabeth Margaret Fieson
Looked forward to Baseball season.
“I love all the players,
All but one are good layers.
He’s called the shortstop for a reason.

Consider contortionist Wendy

Consider contortionist Wendy
Who was considerably agile and bendy
Her favorite bit
Is to lick her own ____
And stick a toe in her rear endy.

Consider the poor narcoleptic

Consider the poor narcoleptic
Whose condition is quite contraceptic.
In the middle of screwin'
The poor guy would swoon
Which left his young wife apoplectic.

A fellow who grew up in Pittsfurgh

A fellow who grew up in Pittsburgh
Now lives with the Grand Duchess of Hapsburg.
He said, “It’s an art.
To steal ‘er cold heart.
It’s like making love to an iceburg.

An East Coaster who moved to Seattle

An East Coaster who moved to Seattle
Said, “My diet is a constant battle.
“Every day is see hawkers
Of hot dogs and tac-ers
I’m afraid that I’ll soon start to waddle.”

NFL Week Nine

There once was a woman named Kat

There once was a woman named Kat
Who wore a most interesting hat
She wove it from hair
That she clipped from down there.
Now what the hell do you think of that?