When faced with a ‘quake or tsunami

When faced with a ‘quake or tsunami
I would just curl up and cry, “Mommy”.
Thank God the Red Cross,
The Anti-Disaster Boss,
Rushes in without getting all qualmy.

Support disaster relief at www.redcross.org

There once was a woman from Boston

There once was a woman from Boston
With a _____ a man could get lost in.
She could handle me,
My step-brother, Lee,
With a Red Sox baseball bat also tossed in.

I’m looking for something eye-opening

I’m looking for something eye-opening
Something to fufill my hopening.
Some kind of food
To get her in the mood
And provide for me a thigh opening.

There once was a woman named Kelly

There once was a woman named Kelly
Who referred to her expanding belly,
Saying, “When on a lark,
Don’t screw in the dark,
Where you can’t tell if he’s rubbered his felly.”

There once was a fellow named Freddy

There once was a fellow named Freddy
Whose ____ was always at the ready.
He doesn’t go out
When a storm is about
“Cause a strong wind makes him unsteady.

There once was a woman named Katie

There once was a woman named Katie
Who pondered life choices quite weighty.
‘When I get older
Will by sex life be bolder
So I canstill ____ when I’m eighty.

By the week after Valentine’s Day

By the week after Valentine’s Day
The flowers have been thrown away
The candy’s been rifled
For truffles and trifles
And she’ll not soon wear that lingerie.

There once was a gal named Melissa

There once was a gal named Melissa
Who was cursed with a most foul emissia.
Her farts, it is said
Could awaken the dead
Or wipe out an entire militia.

Marie lost her Super Bowl bet

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Today’s highlight is the NFL Super Bowl

Today’s highlight is the NFL Super Bowl
And my Lions are deep in a bottomless hole.
But my next favorite team
Is the one in New Orleans,
So, “Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez”*

*”let the good times roll.”