There was a woman named Regina

There was a woman named Regina

Who worked as a cook in a dina.

          Where she stole unknown numbers

          Of fresh, ripe cucumbers

Nestled snugly inside her ______.

There once was a fellow named Hector

There once was a fellow named Hector

Who worked as a funeral director

          If a widow, by chance,

          Should make an advance,

They’d play “Horny Coffin Inspector”.

There once was a fellow named Miller

 There once was a fellow named Miller

Who was known as a major booze swiller.

          But he did change his ways

          And doesn’t drink much these days

Because he’s become quite a spiller.

There was a woman named Renee

There was a woman named Renee

Who posed nude near the Champs Elysees.

          She let her hair wave

          From where she didn’t shave,

Which scared all the artists away.

There once was a fellow named Horton

There once was a fellow named Horton

Who for a month was huffin’ and snortin’.

          When he fell on his head,

          The E.R. doc said,

“You’ve got to stop huffin’ and snortin.” 

A coffee shop patron named Hume

A coffee shop patron named Hume

Always sat back by the ladies’ room.

          He wasn’t a peeker,

          Just a minor thrill seeker

Of the scent of personal perfume.

There once was a young girl named Muffin

There once was a young girl named Muffin

Who got up and just kicked the stuffin’

          From her boyfriend Seth

          And the girl he slept with

When she caught him getting a fluffin’.

At the coffee shop, the old guys gather,

At the coffee shop, the old guys gather,
To sip on some joe and to blather.

          They watch girls in shorts

          While arguing sports

And work themselves into a lather.

There once was a woman named Rudy

There once was a woman named Rudy

Who was prepared for her wifely duty.

          With plunger in hand,

          She unplugged the can

While preparing a meal plan more fruity.

There once was a woman named Ashleigh

There once was a woman named Ashleigh

Who colored her long blonde hair brashleigh.

          With wide streaks of blue

          And florescent pink too,

Her decision was made much too rashleigh.

Former NY Gov Eliot Spitzer

Former NY Gov Eliot Spitzer

Has placed hookers on a campaign blitzer.

          The ladies he paid

          Did not get him laid.

They claim he was just a kibitzer.

There once was a woman named Marion

There once was a woman named Marion

Who worked at the school as a librarian.

          She’s read every text

          Where people got sexed

But had no adventures ovarian.

There once was a young girl named Dream

There once was a young girl named Dream

Who was known as a “Good Girl Extreme”.

          She remained a virgin

          Despite constant urgin’

Until she met Mr. Jim Beam.

There was a woman named Elaine

There was a woman named Elaine

Who liked to walk nude in the rain.

          “It’s like taking a bath

          On a cool garden path,

Without leaving a bathtub ring stain.”

There once was a fellow named Stephen

There once was a fellow named Stephen

Who rummaged through the laundry thiephen

          The soiled underpants

          Of his sisters and aunts,

Which they all had trouble beliephen.

A would-be brothel girl named Cookie

A would-be brothel girl named Cookie

Got let go while she was a rookie.

          She thought it depraved

          To have herself shaved;

And no patrons would screw with a Wookie.

There once was a Chicago man

There once was a Chicago man

Who was widely known as “One Night Stan”.   

          He made love so poorly

          And finished so early,

That women who saw him just ran.

There once was a waitress named Sheila

There once was a waitress named Sheila

Who let all the customers feel a

          Boob or her ass,

          Pointing at the tip glass,

Hoping to land a big “wheela-deela”.

There once was a fellow named Gil

There once was a fellow named Gil

Who lived in a house on a hill,

          Waiting for his neighbors

          To finish their labors

And purchase the proceeds of his still.

There once was a fellow named Logan;

There once was a fellow named Logan;

“12-inch manhood” was his slogan.

          Since his ____ was a foot

          Each morning he put

In a size 13 EEE brogan.

There once was a fellow named Grant

There once was a fellow named Grant

Whose penis stuck out at a slant.

          A girl’d lay perdendicular

          To get his ____ into her,

Which is something that few women want

There once was a fellow named Dylan

There once was a fellow named Dylan

Who dressed as a comic book villain,

          With a black mask and cape

          Made of satin and crepe,

With a “ray gun” for simulated killin’. 

There was a restaurateur named Paco.

There was a restaurateur named Paco.

The foodies thought his fare was “socko”.

          His patrons would drink

          Until they would think

They were eating an "Oxygen Taco".