When landscaping specialist, Race

When landscaping specialist, Race.
Met a waxing technician named Grace,
He said, “We prepare
Both out front and down there,
An attractive and inviting place.”

At her yard sale, young Joanna Mack

At her yard sale, young Joanna Mack,
Found her neighbors were taken aback.
Because in their vicinity,
She sold her virginity
At $200 a crack.

At the cookout, my best friend DeBussy

At the cookout, my best friend DeBussy
Said, “No meat, please. I am a bit fussy.
Because, that I am
A vagitarian;
Which means that I only eat _____.”

666 is the mark of the beast.

666 is the mark of the beast.
But it was also the cost of a feast
That I ate yesterday
Which put me in a way
That I thought that I needed a priest.

NB: This is limerick #666 that we have written.

There once was a woman named Nan

There once was a woman named Nan
Who had never had sex with a man.
A bull and a horse,
A great dane, of course,
Because of their attention span.

Anne’s birth of a girl was unwise,

Anne’s birth of a girl was unwise,
When a male was what Henry so prized.
Before losing her head
It’s believed that she said,
“Our ruler is hardly ‘king-sized’.”

There once was a girl from Defiance

There once was a girl from Defiance
Who augmented her self-reliance.
She started a new career,
Cut out whiskey and beer,
And romances only a kitchen appliance.

Happy Birthday, Liz!

The new disk-jockey, Marilyn Hicks

The new disk-jockey, Marilyn Hicks,
Is too slowly learning the tricks
Of the radio biz
‘Cause the truth of it is
She thought she’d be jockeying _____.

Bernard McGuire, the bus driver

Bernard McGuire, the bus driver
Was known as an early-arriver.
But, not on his route,
Rather, that is more about
His skill as an orgasm-depriver.

There once was a woman from Montana

There once was a woman from Montana
Who preferred to have sex with a banana.
She’d learned to get off
With something that soft
Being wed to a gay man from Ghana.

Representative Anthony Weiner

Representative Anthony Weiner
Has admitted to “sexting” his weiner.
His account wasn’t hacked –
It’s good judgment he lacked.
Which pretty much makes him a weiner.

Some of these just write themselves.

A prostitute working in Scranton

A prostitute working in Scranton
Almost always had to fake her pantin’,
Except with Big Paul
Who was both long and tall,
Who made her start moanin’ and chantin’.

In the nude, on the roof, in Wolf Trap

In the nude, on the roof, in Wolf Trap
Is where Pam takes her afternoon nap.
She says she feels free,
Knowing no one can see;
Forgetting about Google Maps.

The guitar virtuoso Jack

The guitar virtuoso Jack
Possesses an extraordinary knack.
He uses his . . . uh. . . thing
To pluck at each string,
Forming a callous that other men lack.

The waitresses down at the Ideal

The waitresses down at the Ideal
Are so gorgeous it makes your mind reel.
Each and every one
Will smile and say “Hon”,
While presenting each wondrous meal.