Sunday, August 31, 2008

A busy young woman from China

A busy young woman from China
Had never once seen her ______.
She wasn't real fat.
It's nothing like that.
She could never find time to reclina.

I prefer Letterman over Leno

I prefer letterman over Leno,
Though each one is a funny fellow.
O'Brien is fine,
Kimmel I don't mind,
But Daly has just got to go.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Said the world-weary hooker named Jill

Said the world-weary hooker named Jill
When offered a five dollar bill,
"Son, five dollars gits
"A squeeze of my ____
"And a glance at my ___, if you're still."

A right-handed pitcher named Reaver

A right-handed pitcher named Reaver
While in season ignored his wife's ______.
So she called the bullpen
And talked to the men
And asked them to send in a reliever.

Friday, August 29, 2008

An attractive young girl from Tacoma

An attractive young girl from Tacoma
Was cursed with an unpleasant aroma.
She'd inserted a gerkin
So far up her ______
That to remove it might give her a coma.

The Notorious LImerick - A History - Part One

The limerick is simultaneously one of the best loved or most reviled poetic genres in both American and British literature. On one side of the fence, Carolyn Wells writes in her 1925 book, The Book of American Limericks, “A complete book of American limericks would be . . . not at all desirable. Aside from the fact that a large proportion of the known limericks are unfit for publication, a still greater majority are utterly worthless.

”To rebut this opinion, we refer to that most prolific or all writers, Anonymous, who wrote:

The limerick packs laughs astronomical
In a space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I’ve seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

The origins of the limerick lie in the early British folk traditions. Both long and short folk tales were often set to rhyme to be sung or recited. The rhyming made memorization easier, for very little of this form of entertainment was ever written down. There were epic tales of battles and adventures to transport listeners far from their common existence, and ribald poems and songs to help their find humor in that same dreary business of staying alive.

Think about what is discussed at today’s fabled “water cooler” in our modern office environment. Tales of vacations, sports victories, adventures on the golf course, and of course, dirty jokes. Our ancestors were no different than us when looking for entertainment.Of course, much of both British and American folk literature has survived. But the material to be recorded for history was chosen by the educated (those who could read and write) and later by those with the printing presses. And these people were not at all interested in preserving the ribald and bawdy tales of the common folk.

So it came to be that when limericks enjoyed their first burst of popularity, they were presented as nursery rhymes for children.

To be continued.

There was an old fellow named Gus

There was an old fellow named Gus
Who never wore pants on the bus.
He said, "I ride home from church
"And pray for a lurch"
That might knock a young girl upon us.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

There once was a fellow named Steve

There once was a fellow named Steve
Whose ____ you just would not believe.
He said, “What the heck;
”Wrapped it twice round his neck;
And left the rest hang out his sleeve.

A novice young hooker named Gayle

A novice young hooker named Gayle
Left a promising job in retail.
She gave out two _____,
But just charged 20 bucks.
She was having a two-for-one sale.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Tribute to the Legion of Super Heroes - Part 3

There'll be a young boy named Rokk Krinn
Who'll be the leader when they begin.
All metals must yield
To his magnetic field,
But plastic he takes on the chin.

LLL

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tribute to the Legion of Super Heroes - Part 2

Then there'll be Imra Ardeen
A beautiful mind-reading teen.
When you see her walk by
Don't even think you can try.
She'll slap you for thinking obscene.

There once was a young girl named Erica

There once was a young girl named Erica
Who had a strong love for America
And Jesus and horses
And Elvis of courses
And Tom Petty and the Heartbreakericas.

Apologies to Tom Petty

Monday, August 25, 2008

A woman asked her hudband, Lyle,

A woman asked her husband, Lyle,
"Why don't we _____ doggy style?"
So he licked his own _____,
Took a dump in the hall,
And sniffed at her ______ for a while.

Tribute to the Legion of Super Heroes

This year DC Comics is celebrating the 50th anniversary of the first appearance of the Legion of Super Heroes. The Legion, whose adventures were set in the 30th century, was a team of super-powered teenagers from across the galaxy who banded together to battle threats to a generally utopian future. While other teams and characters have come and gone, the Legion has persevered through more than a few incarnations. Over the years, membership has probably exceeded 50 characters, but this week, we would like to honor the three founding characters, who have been my close personal friends for almost their entire 50 year life.

There will be a lad named Garth Ranzz
Who shoots lightning bolts out of his hands.
It was sad when he died,
But he later was revived,
Not by magic, but by editorial plans.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

There was a male hooker named Vance

There was a male hooker named Vance
Who had quite a beast in his pants.
He said, "I will thrill you,
"But I also might kill you,
"So, I'll ask you to pay in advance."

This site is under construction

This site is under construction
A very daunting production
Come back in a while
We'll give you a smile.
It is our primary function.