Tuesday, April 30, 2013

There once was a fellow named Al

There once was a fellow named Al
Who acted like everyone’s pal.
         But at home on most nights
         He performed satanic rites
Cursing all on the Lutheran Chorale.

Monday, April 29, 2013

There once was a fellow named Scott

There once was a fellow named Scott
Who thought he was hot (he was not).
         It really annoyed him
         That girls would avoid him
Like it’s some vast feminine plot.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

There once was a fellow from Limrick

There once was a fellow from Limrick
Who hated the verse form called “limerick”.
         He enjoyed the jokes
         Like most normal folks,
But he felt it sounded like ‘rimlick”.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

In olde London, the Lady McNear

In olde London, the Lady McNear
Told her footman, “I must make this clear.
         My delicate pearl
         Is reserved for the Earl.
The servants all come in the rear.”

Friday, April 26, 2013

Monte, an NFL kicker

Monte, an NFL kicker
Plied a girl in the bar with some liquor.
         Despite what he thunk,
         Jennie Lynn, even druck,
Will only let quarterbacks ____ her.

 

Thursday, April 25, 2013

There once was a fellow from Philly

There once was a fellow from Philly
Who thought sex with girls was just silly.
         But thoughts of older women
         Would set his head swimmin’.
Oh, Agnes!  Oh, Mabel!  Oh, Millie!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

There once was a sailor named Diedrah

There once was a sailor named Diedrah
Who spent 20 years on the seadrah
         ‘Til she got a discharge
         For hanging ass from a barge.
Since she desperately needed to peedrah.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

There once was a woman named Drew

There once was a woman named Drew
Sho rarely could find time to screw.
         But she might fit you in
         While out on a spin
In the back of the train at the zoo.

Monday, April 22, 2013

There once was a woman named Cameron

There once was a woman named Cameron
Who lived for the incessant hammerin’
         That her boyfriend would deliver
         Somewhere down by her liver
For which she was constantly clomorin’. 

Sunday, April 21, 2013

There once was a fellow named Brady

There once was a fellow named Brady
Who wanted to become a lady.
         So he had boobs installed,
         Got de____ed and beballed,
But only looked good where it’s shady.

Friday, April 19, 2013

There once was a woman named Joy

There once was a woman named Joy
Who adopted a college-aged boy.
         A ROTC cadet
         For a sexual pet
With a ability to redeploy.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

There once was a woman named Lucy

There once was a woman named Lucy
Who could only be described as juicy.
         She’d get much more than wet,
         Like a fire hose jet.
It’s something you just have to see. 

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

There once was a fellow named Mark

There once was a fellow named Mark
Who would only undress in the dark.
         He was tattooed, you see,
         From his neck to his knee
With the image of that Star Trek guy, Quark.
 

Saturday, April 13, 2013

There once was a fellow named Weathers

There once was a fellow named Weathers.
Wherever he went, he wore leathers.
         But, he was not a biker
         Or a wilderness hiker.
The glide of the hide gave him pleasures.

Friday, April 12, 2013

There once was a woman named Carly

There once was a woman named Carly
Who was buried atop of her Harley.
         No, not on her bike,
         Just some guy she liked.
Which bothered her poor husband, Charlie.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

There once was a fellow named Buddy

There once was a fellow named Buddy,
The original Fuddy-Duddy.
         To him, outdoor run
         Is to sit in the sun
With an accounting textbook to study.

There once was a fellow named Buddy,

There once was a fellow named Buddy,
The original Fuddy-Duddy.
         To him, outdoor run
         Is to sit in the sun
With an accounting textbook to study.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

There once was a woman named Annie,

There once was a woman named Annie,
An incredibly libidinous Granny,
         Who strolled through the park
         Every night after dark,
Exposing her tits and her fanny.

Monday, April 8, 2013

There once was a gal maned Marie

There once was a gal maned Marie
Who’s on her cell phone constantly.
         He even likes to text
         While she’s being sexed,
“OMG! OMG! OMG!”

Friday, April 5, 2013

There once was a woman named Cherry

There once was a woman named Cherry
Whose demeanor and name were contrary.
         In knee socks and lip gloss
         She had come across
More than the Staten Island Ferry.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

There once was a fellow named George

There once was a fellow named George
Who lost both his hands in a forge.
         His wife helps him dress
         And clean up his mess,
But she won’t make his _____ disgorge. 

Monday, April 1, 2013

When Anne, a big fan of the Cubs

When Anne, a big fan of the Cubs,
Goes to Wrigley Field she rubs
         All the bats in the dugout
         Until she gets drug out
To the bull pen to warm up the scrubs.
 
Hey! Hey! Opening Day!