Saturday, March 30, 2013

There once was a woman named Sue

There once was a woman named Sue
Who liked nothing more than to screw.
She’s do it for free,
(Plus gratuity).
You just have to wait in the queue. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

If I were King of San Marino,

If I were King of San Marino*,
I would outlaw the damned cappacino.
         Only coffee what’s hot
         And dark hits the spot
For me ever since I was a nino.

*noun:   the smallest republic in the world; the oldest independent country in Europe (achieved independence in 301); located in the Apennines and completely surrounded by Italy

noun:   the capital and only city of San Marino.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

There once was a fellow named Hubie

There once was a fellow named Hubie
Whose head was shaped a little cubey.
         It was worse for his sister
         Whose boyfriend dismissed her
From the right angles found on each boobie.
 

Saturday, March 23, 2013

There once was a hooker named Sunny

There once was a hooker named Sunny
Who would do anything for some money.
         Five bucks for a ____;
         Five more for a ____;
And unspeakable deeds for a twenny. 

Friday, March 22, 2013

There once was a man from Niagara

There once was a man from Niagara
Who was having no luck with Viagara.
That is, until the day
He found out he is gay,
And he switched to the pink pill, Guyagara.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

There once was a woman named Coffee

There once was a woman named Coffee
Who conly ate bacon with toffee.
         One friend mocked her diet
‘Til she made him try it.
He ran away weepy and coughy.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

At a museum in Massachusetts,

At a museum in Massachusetts,
Bernard dusted the nude statuettes.
         He’s no employee.
         He does it for free.
Just to fondle their fine silhouettes. 

Monday, March 18, 2013

There once was a farm boy named Barnes

There once was a farm boy named Barnes
Who hated to work in the barns.
         So he went to school to enlist
         As a nuclear physicist
And spend his time studying barns*. 

*Barn - noun:   (physics) a unit of nuclear cross section; the effective circular area that one particle presents to another as a target for an encounter – Dictionary.com

 

Sunday, March 10, 2013

There once was a fellow named Robb

There once was a fellow named Robb
Who liked to have sex at his jobb,
         Until, in mid stroke,
         He suffered a stroke;
When his little head made his big head throbb

Saturday, March 9, 2013

There once was a fellow named Paul

There once was a fellow named Paul
Who strolled, without pants, through the mall.
         A young gal told her friend,
         “I like his rear end,
But, sadly, his dick is too small.”

There once was a fellow named Paul

There once was a fellow named Paul
Who strolled, without pants, through the mall.
         A young gal told her friend,
         “I like his rear end,
But, sadly, his ____ is too small.”
 

Friday, March 8, 2013

There once was a fellow named Oates

There once was a fellow named Oates
Who maintained elaborate notes
         On every woman he’d screwed,
         Listing technique and mood,
Including their orgasmic quotes.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

There once was a woman named Mary

There once was a woman named Mary
Who wed a man named Jerry Perry,
         She had children three,
         Simultaneously,
Named Barry and Carrie and Norton.

Monday, March 4, 2013

There once was a fellow from Findlay

There once was a fellow from Findlay
Who never goes out when its windlay.
         If he walks down the street,
         He gets blown off his feet,
'Cause at 98 pounds, he’s too spindlay.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

There once was a fellow named Cyrus

There once was a fellow named Cyrus
Whose computer contracted a virus.
         Logging on in the morn,
         He saw nothing but porn,
Which he determined was desirous.

Friday, March 1, 2013

They claim Budweiser dilutes its beer.

They claim Budweiser dilutes its beer.
So that’s why the tastes disappear.
         If you think corn and rice
         Makes your beer extra nice,
Extra water is nothing to fear.