Thursday, April 30, 2009

There once was a fellow from Dearborn

There once was a fellow from Dearborn
Who spent all his time watching net porn
Despite what’s on his screen
The only real _____ he’s seen
Was his mom’s on the day he was born.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Sue told the bartender, for a drink

Sue told the bartender, for a drink
She’d give him a ____ ___ by the sink.
He said. “Suck my ____ first;
If you still have a thirst;
Drinks are on the house, whatd’ya think?”

Monday, April 27, 2009

Louisa is regarded as a slut

Louisa is regarded as a slut,
Just because she enjoys sex in her ____,
And down her throat
And with a goat
And the whole night crew at Pizza Hut.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Josephine thought it was quite flirty

Josephine thought it was quite flirty
To attract men with language quite dirty.
Her girlfriends said, “No.”
But I told her, “Jo,
I think ‘____ me in the ___’ is quite purty.”

Friday, April 24, 2009

At work, Bob complained about his streak

At work, Bob complained about his streak,
Stating, “I haven’t had sex for a week.”
Josette played along
And said, “Gee, what’s wrong?
Did your inflatable girl spring a leak?”

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Katy, a gal from Madrid

Katy, a gal from Madrid
Said, while __ing old Sid.
“If you don’t make me click,
I will bite off your ____.”
Sadly, Sid didn’t but Katydid.

Friday, April 17, 2009

The Postal Service is honoring Homer

The Postal Service is honoring Homer;
Not the Greek, the Fox network gomer.
The Simpsons on stamps
Might give some people cramps;
Maybe next year for the Illiad’s poemer.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The national mystery is at last over

The national mystery is at last over.
The Obamas have selected their “Rover”.
If he house-breaks their pet
There might be hope yet
That the Prez can get Congress to roll over.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The old farmer aspied his son, Pard

The old farmer aspied his son, Pard
_______ off in the back of the yard.
He said, “Boy, by my life
I done got you a wife!”
Pard said, “But, her little arm gets too tard.”

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

That "ShamWow" guy Vince had to pay

That “ShamWow” guy Vince had to pay
For a fight with a hooker, they say
He wanted sex twice
For only one price.
She said, “We can’t do this all day.”

Monday, April 13, 2009

At the gynecologist's office, said Lee

At the gynecologist's office, said Lee,
“Doc, it itches down there where I pee.”
He said, “This is not nice,
I see scabies and lice,
And something else looking back at me.”

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Sunny will attempt a world record

Sunny will attempt a world record
For by how many men she can be puckered.
1,000 is her goal
Less than 400 per hole,
Not at once! She will not be triple-deckered.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

So Letterman finally got married

So Letterman finally got married
To make a standard family for young Harry.
The house band was there
With a matrimonial aire
But Alan as a bridesmaid? How scary.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The President flexed his political muscle

The President flexed his political muscle
And GM caved in without a tussle.
He said, “Fire this guy.”
GM said, “Aye, Aye.”
And hired his brother-in-law, Russell.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Geneticist Rosemary Delph

Geneticist Rosemary Delph
Performed an experiment way off-the-shelf.
She took genes from a housecat;
Grafted them where she sat;
Hoping her _____ would lick itself.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Young Wilfred was accused of some filth.

Young Wilfred was accused of some filth.
“Did you ____ our neighbor’s wife, Wilf?”
He said, “Yes, I did,
I am a truthful kid.
And there’s no use in lying over drilled MILF.”

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Anna said, "Hooking is a great life

Anna said, “Hooking is a great life
I get paid for sex without strife.
I undress him and ____ him,
Redress him and chuck him,
Then send him on home to his wife.”

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Mary Ann loves to sing karaoke

Mary Ann loves to sing karaoke
In a bar that is dark and is smokey.
She pretends she is Britney,
Mariah and Whitney,
But she sounds like a frog; kinda croakey.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Jane sat at the end of the bar

Jane sat at the end of the bar
And surveyed the pickings so far.
Two gays and three fatties,
And not one sugar daddy,
So she diddled herself in the car.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

To keep his family in meat and in flour

To keep his family in meat and in flour
Al climbed to the top of a tower.
With bullhorn in hand
He yelled ‘cross the land,
“I’ll lick _____ for 10 bucks an hour.”

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Blog ended by lawsuit

I am forced to stop posting as of this date, due to a lawsuit from Flo Avril, the owner of the Progressive Grill, for defamation of character.