Sunday, January 29, 2012

There once was a woman named Lynn

There once was a woman named Lynn
Who was unbelievably thinl.
At her beakfast each day
She put one grape away.
Anymore than that would be a sin.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

There once was a fellow named Stu

There once was a fellow named Stu
Who said, “I just stepped in some snoo.”
“What’s snoo?” asked his wife
(The regret of her life)
He replied, “Not much. What’s new with you?”

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I hate the old guys at Tim Horton

I hate the old guys at Tim Horton
With their wheezin’ and caughin’ and snortin’
With their comments absurd.
I thin every last word
Shows their cranial circuts are shortin’.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

At the Apollo, the Prez made the sceme

At the Apollo, the Prez made the sceme
By channeling the Rev. Al Green.
The the cats ar Fox News
Started singing the blues
Because there’s no soul in their mein.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Once said by a woman named Amy.

Once said by a woman named Amy.
“My bf thinks my _____ smells gamey.
If I do not douche
And get rid of the sluice,
He’ll have a veterinarian spay me.”

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

There was a woman named Suzanne

There was a woman named Suzanne
Who, sadly, looked just like a man.
With a beard and a weiner,
A gruff misdemeanor,
And tits just like eggs in a pan.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

There once was a girl in Gomorrah

There once was a girl in Gomorrah
Was quite a sexual explorrah.
But when someone tried to Sodom
Her delicate bodom,
She rose up and declaired, “No morrah.”

Sunday, January 15, 2012

There once was a fellow named Throne

There once was a fellow named Throne
Who woke up his Mother one morn
By climbing into her bed,
‘Tween her legs stuck his head.
In an attempt at being reborn.

Friday, January 13, 2012

So today is Friday the Thirteenth;

So today is Friday the Thirteenth;
And all of you know what that meanth.
On a day of such doom
I’ll just stay in my roomWith Sports Illustrated swimsuit magazineth

Thursday, January 12, 2012

There’s a gal who works down at McD’s

There’s a gal who works down at McD’s
Who gets down on her hands and knees
Underneath the front counter
Where managers would mount her
In front of the lastst trainees.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

There once was a gal named Mariah

There once was a gal named Mariah
Who awoke with her _____ on fiah.
She told her man, Lee,
“You’ve got a S-T-D.
Please tell your brother, Josiah.”

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Tribute to the Greene Brothers

There once was a fellow named Kelly
With a unique feature under his belly.
The head of his ____ –
Twice as big as the stock –
Made it look somewhat like an umbrellay.

Kelly Greene, born in Chicago; bass guitar, percussion, vocals

Monday, January 9, 2012

Tribute to the Greene Brothers

There once was a fellow named Forrest
Who had quite a rep as a whorist.
No matter who cried it,
He never denied it;
Since it offset his job as a florist.

Forrest Greene, born in Memphis; guitar, vocals

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Tribute to the Green Brothers

There once was a fellow named Hunter
Who told his girlfriend, “I must be blunt, dear.
If you like the heatin’
You get from being eaten,
You really should groom up your ____ hair.”

Hunter Green, born in New Orleans, guitar, keybords, harmonica, vocals

Thursday, January 5, 2012

There once was a fellow named Brent

There once was a fellow named Brent
Who was 3 months behind in his rent.
To prevent eviction
He offered a ____-tion
To which his landlady did not consebt.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

There once was a woman named Rose

There once was a woman named Rose
Who never washed her underclothes.
She wore them one day
And then threw them away;
For what reason, nobody knows.