Saturday, December 31, 2011

Say farewell to 2011.

Say farewell to 2011.
As a year, I would give it a 7.
No, not out of 10.
100? Maybe then.
Just hope ’12’ll get the U.S. revin’.

Friday, December 30, 2011

There once was a fellow named Jess

There once was a fellow named Jess
With gastro-intestinal distress.
It is said that the gas
He would eventually pass
Deforested the Southvest U. S.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

There once was a fellow named Milt

There once was a fellow named Milt
Who wore a extremely short kilt.
It did not embarrass
Him to show his bare ass,
“Cause he’s proud of the way he is built.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A hard-luck hooker in New Orleans

A hard-luck hooker in New Orleans
Learned what the Army term, “SNAFU” means.
She went out to surprise
Some returning GIs,
Not a plane full or female Marines.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

There once was a woman named Claire

There once was a woman named Claire
Who modeled plus-size underwear
With her uncommon beauty,
Her prodigious booty
And her spectacular pectoral pair.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Her friends thought Diane was a prude

Her friends thought Diane was a prude
Since she “tsk-tsked” any joke that was crude.
But they were surprised
To learn when she exercised
She did her squat thrusts in the nude.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

The residents of a remote isthmus

The residents of a remote isthmus
Know nothing at all about Christmas.
They treat one another
As sister and brother
For an entire year of blissness.

Have a Loving Christmas and a
Peaceful New Year.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

In December, we cruise through the night

In December, we cruise through the night
To wonder at the Christmas lights.
But the light we see least
Is the star in the East,
And, somehow, that just doesn’t seem righr.

Friday, December 23, 2011

When Santa stoped in Storyville

When Santa stoped in Storyville*
He found he had some time to kill.
He bypassed the cookie
To partake of some nookie
From the girl with the best “naughty” skill.

*The red-light district in old New Orleans

Thursday, December 22, 2011

We all made it through Black Fridayl

We all made it through Black Fridayl
Got wrist sprains on Cyber Monday.
The decorating and wrapping;
We faced without snapping.
Just wait till the bills come our way.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

There once was a race called the Mayan

There once was a race called the Mayan
Who amassed knowledge witout really tryin’.
Their studies of space
Claim the whole human race
On 12/21/12 will be diein’.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Lana was banned from the buffet

Lana was banned from the buffet
For something she did there yesterday.
Someone saw her mountin’
The chocolate fountain
To dip her mip into the sweet spray.

Monday, December 19, 2011

My neighbor keeps me up most nights

My neighbor keeps me up most nights
With 100,000 Christmas lights,
An inflatable sleigh,
A loudspeaker array
And live reindeer suspended in flight.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

There once was a woman named Mary

There once was a woman named Mary
With a home-grown apothecary.
She’ had herbs to curb hunger
Or make you feel younger;
Or a rub to re-make it a cherry.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

There once was a gal from Manhattan

There once was a gal from Manhattan
Who recalled every ____ she has sat on.
She would categorize
Each by dyratuib and size;
Starting with her first love, George Patton.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Salute to Futurama -- Part vii

There will be a physicist Amy
With theories deemed too cockamamie.
Always up for romance
In her hot pink sweat pants.
She will be a bit too exclaimey.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Salute to Futurama -- Part Zeta

There will be a doctor named Zoidberg
With medical knowledge in a voidberg.
His complaining and whining;
His manners while dining
Will make his co-workers annoyedberg.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Salute to Futurama -- Part V

There will be a fellow named Conrad
A bureaucrat who has not gone mad.
He practices limbo
With all limbs akimbo,
Without losing his add-upon-pad.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Salute to Futurama - Part D

There will be a Professor Farnsworth;
One of the oldest on this darned Earth.
He invents inventions
Without any pretentions
On amy of them having consarned worth.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Salute to Futurama - Part 11

There will be a robot named Bender;
A staunch robot=rights defender.
His name’s his vocation,
But his avocation
Will be stealing assorted spendor.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Salute to Futurama -- Part two

There will be a woman named Leela
With one giant eyeball to seeya.
Filled with self-deception
(Who needs dept perception!)
She pilots her spaceship by feela.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Salute to Futurama week - Part 1

There once was a felly named Fry;
A bike-riding delivery guy.
Bur 1,000 years frozen
Caused him to be chosen
As a spacefaring delivery guy.

Friday, December 2, 2011

A fine girl is waiting for me,

A fine girl is waiting for me,
A girl that I had ‘cross ny knee.
I smelled a rose
In her underclothes.
And at ten she’ll do it to me.

Based on "Louie, Louid" by the Kingsmen.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

There once was a woman named Lauren

There once was a woman named Lauren
Whose husband spent every night snorin’
So one day she fled
From the marital bed
To a house in a far distant warren.