Wednesday, July 31, 2013

There was a woman named Regina

There was a woman named Regina
Who worked as a cook in a dina.
          Where she stole unknown numbers
          Of fresh, ripe cucumbers
Nestled snugly inside her ______.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

There once was a fellow named Hector

There once was a fellow named Hector
Who worked as a funeral director
          If a widow, by chance,
          Should make an advance,
They’d play “Horny Coffin Inspector”.

Monday, July 29, 2013

There once was a fellow named Miller

 There once was a fellow named Miller
Who was known as a major booze swiller.
          But he did change his ways
          And doesn’t drink much these days
Because he’s become quite a spiller.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

There was a woman named Renee

There was a woman named Renee
Who posed nude near the Champs Elysees.
          She let her hair wave
          From where she didn’t shave,
Which scared all the artists away.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

There once was a fellow named Horton

There once was a fellow named Horton
Who for a month was huffin’ and snortin’.
          When he fell on his head,
          The E.R. doc said,
“You’ve got to stop huffin’ and snortin.” 

Friday, July 26, 2013

A coffee shop patron named Hume

A coffee shop patron named Hume
Always sat back by the ladies’ room.
          He wasn’t a peeker,
          Just a minor thrill seeker
Of the scent of personal perfume.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

There once was a young girl named Muffin

There once was a young girl named Muffin
Who got up and just kicked the stuffin’
          From her boyfriend Seth
          And the girl he slept with
When she caught him getting a fluffin’.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

At the coffee shop, the old guys gather,

At the coffee shop, the old guys gather,
To sip on some joe and to blather.
          They watch girls in shorts
          While arguing sports
And work themselves into a lather.

Monday, July 22, 2013

There once was a woman named Rudy

There once was a woman named Rudy
Who was prepared for her wifely duty.
          With plunger in hand,
          She unplugged the can
While preparing a meal plan more fruity.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

There once was a woman named Ashleigh

There once was a woman named Ashleigh
Who colored her long blonde hair brashleigh.
          With wide streaks of blue
          And florescent pink too,
Her decision was made much too rashleigh.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Former NY Gov Eliot Spitzer

Former NY Gov Eliot Spitzer
Has placed hookers on a campaign blitzer.
          The ladies he paid
          Did not get him laid.
They claim he was just a kibitzer.

Friday, July 19, 2013

There once was a woman named Marion

There once was a woman named Marion
Who worked at the school as a librarian.
          She’s read every text
          Where people got sexed
But had no adventures ovarian.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

There once was a young girl named Dream

There once was a young girl named Dream
Who was known as a “Good Girl Extreme”.
          She remained a virgin
          Despite constant urgin’
Until she met Mr. Jim Beam.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

There was a woman named Elaine

There was a woman named Elaine
Who liked to walk nude in the rain.
          “It’s like taking a bath
          On a cool garden path,
Without leaving a bathtub ring stain.”

Sunday, July 14, 2013

There once was a fellow named Stephen

There once was a fellow named Stephen
Who rummaged through the laundry thiephen
          The soiled underpants
          Of his sisters and aunts,
Which they all had trouble beliephen.

Friday, July 12, 2013

A would-be brothel girl named Cookie

A would-be brothel girl named Cookie
Got let go while she was a rookie.
          She thought it depraved
          To have herself shaved;
And no patrons would screw with a Wookie.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

There once was a Chicago man

There once was a Chicago man
Who was widely known as “One Night Stan”.   
          He made love so poorly
          And finished so early,
That women who saw him just ran.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

There once was a waitress named Sheila

There once was a waitress named Sheila
Who let all the customers feel a
          Boob or her ass,
          Pointing at the tip glass,
Hoping to land a big “wheela-deela”.

Monday, July 8, 2013

There once was a fellow named Gil

There once was a fellow named Gil
Who lived in a house on a hill,
          Waiting for his neighbors
          To finish their labors
And purchase the proceeds of his still.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

There once was a fellow named Logan;

There once was a fellow named Logan;
“12-inch manhood” was his slogan.
          Since his ____ was a foot
          Each morning he put
In a size 13 EEE brogan.

Friday, July 5, 2013

There once was a fellow named Grant

There once was a fellow named Grant
Whose penis stuck out at a slant.
          A girl’d lay perdendicular
          To get his ____ into her,
Which is something that few women want

Thursday, July 4, 2013

There once was a fellow named Dylan

There once was a fellow named Dylan
Who dressed as a comic book villain,
          With a black mask and cape
          Made of satin and crepe,
With a “ray gun” for simulated killin’. 

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

There was a restaurateur named Paco.

There was a restaurateur named Paco.
The foodies thought his fare was “socko”.
          His patrons would drink
          Until they would think
They were eating an "Oxygen Taco".